I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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