If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
don't judge my taste in strippers
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
