my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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