I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
