he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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