Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
