am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
