im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
