I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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