I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
