Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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