God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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