At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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