She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You're a waste of cheezeits
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
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