I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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