there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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