Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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