Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
