my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
