Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
