I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
