If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My vagina just recognized that song.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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