fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
