i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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