How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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