Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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