if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i out mim tonsoeep
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
