I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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