I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
