Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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