Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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