conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
