I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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