A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
