people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
