i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
