She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
