So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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