I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
