Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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