There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
