come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
