You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
