jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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