Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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