somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
