so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
