Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
