i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
