Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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