you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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