I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I lost the right to judge tonight
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
