dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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