the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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