We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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